Are You Worthy?

Here is the third prompt for the Live Your Legend Writing Challenge.

What do people thank you for?

The point of this question is to give some thought to the ways you help people with your talents, skills and passions that you might not be realizing (or giving yourself credit for). Another way to look at it is “What do you love helping people with,” or “What would you be happy and excited to help others with even if you didn’t get paid?”Give it a little thought and write what comes to you.

Start with a small and easily achievable goal of 100 words and see where it leads.

Okay, here we go!

This one was a little difficult for me. I could not figure out what to write about. In fact, other people in the group had a hard time thinking up what other people might thank them for. One guy even said he asked his friends directly. I thought this was an ingenious idea. So, I posted the question on Facebook and ask a couple of friends.  I got a couple of responses, which I will list below. 

I also went into the recesses of my mind to try to remember the times in my life when people thanked me for something I did for them.  I did end up recalling a few incidences.  But, there was something else I discovered in this process. So don’t click out just yet. This was a major discovery!

Here are a couple of responses from asking my friends directly…

• I’m thankful for you for always being the realest cousin ….facts for real…from the days I would bother you till you were right at that point of kicking my ass. I’m thankful for every outrageous time we’ve had …and knowing that no matter how much drama you were going through as well as I …I always felt safe with you …that’s rare.

• You have taught me more than you know. You’re super intelligent. You have done so much for me I can be here all day. You’ve always had a good head on them shoulders. We’ve all been through our shit, but you’ve always been the smartest.

• You’re singing reaches my soul, your presence makes me happy, your support reminds me I am loved. You feel like family to me, which matters more than you’ll ever really know. Your words inspire me to be a better person. Your tenacity helps me know it ain’t over til it’s over. You are a hero to me and I love you to the moon.

• Joe, I have told you before but it is worth saying again. Your singing reached places in my heart that had been closed for a very long time. I will forever remember you and your music.

Here are some of the things I recalled…

• I’ve been thanked countless times for helping people move. Before my accident, I was the King of moving. I just loved it. I loved to get all sweaty and I loved fitting everything into the truck in just the right way. I was the master mover.  As a side note let me say, I’m very good at organizing and cleaning up messes.  Around the time when the television show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” was popular, my boyfriend at the time and I thought of starting a business.  One of the names we contemplated was Queer Guys Straighten Up.  I just had to share that.

• I won the employee of the quarter at work one year.  Here is what the announcement email that was sent out throughout company said.  “Congratulations to the Employee of the Quarter, Joe Cosme.  Joe can adapt to any situation or position within BAC that he encounters or is placed in. He always has a positive and helpful attitude. Joe is an optimist. You can’t help but feel better when you are around him. He is a hard worker, detailed oriented and has a great repertoire with the clients. Joe is a valuable asset to BAC both as an employee and a person. Joe is always willing to go the extra mile and he even does it with a smile. We need more JOES!  Awh, that was so sweet.

• Years after me and my ex broke up from an eight-year relationship, he sent me a note.  In it, he thanked me for everything I’ve done for him.  He claimed that he is the man he is today because of me and that I was the most important person in his life.  He said whenever he encounters a stressful or difficult situation he hears my voice and is reminded to take a deep breath and look at things from a different perspective.  He also apologized for not acknowledging the lessons he had learned while we were together, but that he did absorb them all.

Okay, now that that’s over, let me tell you what I discovered.

Whenever I recalled a memory I got a weird feeling. The more I replayed the memories the more I realized that I rejected compliments, praise, or thanks. I came to realize that the feeling I was experiencing was what I felt back then as well. It was the uneasy feeling of not being worthy.

I rejected almost every incident when someone thanked me by saying things like “Oh, it was nothing” – “Don’t mention it” – “Oh stop, you don’t have to thank me.”

I could have been more gracious and accepted their gratitude and could have said: “You’re welcome, it was my pleasure to help you out.”

As far as praise goes, I downplayed my accomplishments for the same reason. I did not feel worthy of praise.

Whenever I sang a solo at church I got off the stage as quickly as I could.  The music director and others would always tell me to stand and accept the applause.  But, I could not allow myself to receive the praise.  After the service, if someone praised me for a singing performance I would immediately point out my mistakes.  I can actually remember the look on their face as if I were refusing a gift.

In other areas, I remember immediately passing on the credit to someone else.  “Credit should go to so and so” would be one of my responses.

This writing prompt was an eye-opening experience.

How could I ever expect to be successful if I held the belief that I was unworthy?  That vibe of unworthiness affects everyone I come in contact with.  Subliminally, they hear, HE’S NOT WORTHY.  This thwarts any hard work I put into trying to be a success.

Can you see this pattern in your belief system? 

Do you secretly believe that you are not worthy?

If you need help finding out, click here to read more about beliefs.

If you’d like to read about another mindset that may be holding you back, Click here

Let me know what you think about my discovery in the comments below. 

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I”d love to hear what you gotta say!